For whom the bell doesn't toll

People exist, or don't. It's up to you to notice them.

The world of intellectualism has it's ugly side too. Whenever you put yourself on a level apart from others, you adopt the elitist mentality. "Insignificant" things and beings suddenly drop off your radar.

There is no worse crime than for a great poet to be a laborer; a great philosopher to be a soldier.

Take this girl on the train, a solemn manifesto inscribed in flesh. She may not be attractive, she may not be "dressed to kill", she may not be saying anything. No bag, no book, no music player, nothing. A fixed gaze and a horrific scar where her larynx once was.

But, who's to say that her silent vision of the world will not invert your own reality, shatter the mold whence you came, make it impossible to return.

There is no worse crime than to silence the already voiceless.

Image: Original photograph with Solari effect

Cunnilingus - Tips for guys, from a guy

Every now and then I hear one of my female friends talking about an unsuccessful oral adventure. I’m sure for some of them it’s a psycho-biological issue, but for many it’s something else. Their guys simply haven’t perfected the right techniques and are too damn proud to take instruction from their ladies. So, I’ve decided to compile a little list of proven methods.

* Remember that no two women have the same exact likes and dislikes. Look at this as a starting point to be built upon later.

Keep it comin’ – The number one mistake guys make is breaking the rhythm. Us guys, we can stop and pick up right where we left off a minute ago. For the majority of girls, if you pause or break the rhythm of strokes and/or speed it’s right back to square one. Make sure you can breathe through your nose, so you don’t have to stop for breaths. You may also want to practice swallowing while keeping your tongue sticking out (unless you don’t mind creating a puddle of saliva). That was my biggest issue… having to pause to swallow, which sets the girl back a couple “steppes” from the plateau.

Get real – You have to know when to get serious. At first, playing around/getting fancy all over down there can be fun. But know when to bring it on home. When you’re in the home stretch be like tunnel vision and focus just on the clit. Use a constant speed and stroke (see above), and you’ll be at T-minus 10… 9… 8…

Know your enemy – Clits come in all shapes and sizes. Hey, that’s why god or evolution gave us flexible tongues. Typically the most effective method is to use the tip. The flat areas of the tongue just don’t seem to cut it. In addition, the underside of the tongue sometimes works better. The top is rougher, but flat. The underside is fairly smooth, but has all these uneven nooks and bumps which will add to the stimulation factor.

Use your neck – Doing all the work with just your tongue will make you sore very quickly. Depending if your girl is a quickie or not, you may not even be able to finish her before you go numb. The best method I can recommend is to flatten your tongue horizontally in between your lips, with maybe ¼”- ½” of the tongue protruding out. Stiffen it (by tightening the tongue and jaw muscles). Once you find the clit (There’s Waldo!), get it right on the tip of the tongue, with your lips on the top and bottom of it (will keep you from loosing it). Just keep your tongue and lips stiff and move your whole head side-to-side from the neck.

Walk, jog, don’t run – It’s generally a good idea to ease into it. Don’t just hit the ground running. Get it scintillating with slow but somewhat hard strokes of the tongue. (this is also the time to get all the fancy show-off stuff out of the way). You never want to go too fast, like to the point where the woman cannot discern contact from breaks in contact. It basically becomes as if something is just pressing against it and not really moving. This can get it sore before she can even reach climax.

Peaks and valleys – side to side, horizontal strokes are the stereotypical norm. This focuses on the tip of the clit, but that is not the entire erogenous area. If you really want to make your girl climax hard, try this: as you go side to side, each time you catch the top of the clit, push down into the valley on either side (so if you’re stroking left to right, you hit the tip and slide down the right side and vice versa on the back-stroke. Start slow and with moderate pressure. Work up an even pace and speed it up a little while keeping the pressure constant. If you’re doing it right, you’ll get a very obvious reaction to tell you so =)

Don’t be a pussy – I’ve met quite a few guys that simply have a problem with going down on their girls. For some the issue is fluids, others it’s pride and for a few it’s a bad past experience. Regardless of the reason, I say… C’mon! Be strong and overcome.

Don’t be a dick – Seriously dude. Don’t be a dick.

You’ve come a long way, baby – This may not seem like such a big detail in the grand scheme of any relationship, but take some time to absorb and practice these techniques. It actually can be very important, and being closer in this aspect can bring you closer in many other aspects, both sexual and not.

Just do it (No pain, no gain) – Yes, your neck will be sore, yes your tongue and jaw might go numb, yes you may have a “milk” moustache. So fucking what? Take pleasure in giving, not just in receiving. Having all three of these things is just a sign of a job well done.

If it hurts, do it differently – Cunnilingus does not always have to have the girl on her back. Why don’t you get on your back and let her sit on your face? This way, your neck will not get burned out and she can control the rhythm and pace herself. Just make sure you can breathe!

The golden rule – don’t be afraid to take critiques/instructions from your girls! She’s not trying to say that you’re inadequate. Remember, this is not instinct and we all have to learn and practice to really get good. Always remember that what works for one girl is not guaranteed to work for all girls.

Most importantly – BE GENEROUS! You know they deserve it.

Diagrams possibly coming soon. =)~

"Honey, would you please walk the Goose?"

So I'm driving home this afternoon and right before I hit my corner there's an obstruction in the road. I've seen people walking all sorts of odd stuff while living in NYC. I've seen all sorts of cats, iguanas, a pig, a billy goat, ferrets, even a raccoon. But for the first time ever the dude was walking a goose! A bunch of kids gathered on either side of the street. The guy was directing the goose with occasional showers of feed thrown from his hand.
A big, white, ass-feather waggin' goose... and with no leash.

* I don't recommend anyone take pictures while driving. Especially not while maneuvering across the median. That other driver was kinda pissed. =)

Image source: Mobile phone picture.

Is Jeremiah Wright really evil?

If you've turned on the news, radio or opened a newspaper within the last couple weeks, this name should ring a bell. Jeremiah Wright, Barack Obama's ex-minister and international man of mystery.

Sure, right now he's the media's "it" guy. But is the picture really as ugly as they paint it to be?

A summary of Wright's speeches can be found here.

Image source: AP file photo

The question: is Wright really the evil, anti-American force that certain members of the media will have us believe?

I don't think so. It's common for a minister or preacher to use strong language to capture the hearts and minds of their followers. The "shock value" in his words becomes an important tool in attracting the attention of the masses.
It's the same reason so many people listened to Howard Stern, regardless of whether they liked or hated him. His shenanigans had so much shock value, people couldn't tear themselves away.

I also find it interesting that the media seems to have forgotten all about Obama's affiliation with yet another "shocking" minister...

Image source: NYTimes Online

As a white guy I know I don't have much say, but I think Sharpton is much worse. At least Wright seems to care about his people, not just his own personal agenda. The media? All day long they discuss the Obama-Wright connection, but I didn't hear or see anything on the cable news networks about Obama-Sharpton. Only when I Googled the two did I finally find some articles.

Moving on to the question of patriotism. Conservative pundits say Jeremiah Wright is unpatriotic and that so is Obama for not distancing himself "far enough" from Wright. But I ask you... is it unpatriotic to question the state of the nation in which we live?

All things considered, with the global situation today you cannot be a patriot and quietly support our looming downfall. The true patriot today is one who does not accept the actions of the current administration. The true patriot will not sit by and watch this nation sign it's own death warrant. The anti-patriot sees the U.S. and the world as two separate entities, who must be in competition. He doesn't ask why or how, only follows blindly. This apathy by those who consider themselves patriots gives the current administration license to kill.

So I ask you again... is it unpatriotic to question the state of the nation in which we live?

If you live in the world as a whole, you just can't help but say... God. Damn. America.

Life in a (shell)

This article talks about closed communities. The example used is not intended to offend any group or theology and the names used herein are monikers.

Allow me to recount my experience with an orthodox Jewish girl from my days at Baruch College. This girl (let’s call her Hindy) had been in Hebrew school all her life, had only orthodox friends, watched/listened/read exclusively Jewish media.

It was both of our first semester at college and, for her, the first time out from the (shell). We had history class together; Early Modern Europe 1517- 1715. I found the course very interesting, but Hindy was distraught. She was absolutely torn between her traditional teachings and what the Indian professor was telling her. It was obvious that Hindy could no longer brush off one truth and settle for another… they had both come to occupy the same space. Every class I could see little bits of the girl fall away as new bits and pieces took their place.

We didn’t keep in touch afterwards, so I don’t know if she came to terms with the paradigm that her life became. I do know, however, that she can never go back to the bliss of ignorance. Once we have tasted the sweetness of the forbidden fruit, we can never go back.

A few years later, while at Kingsborough College, I had an experience with another member of the Hasidim. His name was Josh and he was longing for an escape. It was clear that Josh was a good guy; open, honest and interested in what you have to say. Nobody minded him hanging out with our little mixed-racial group, but he was still unable to fit. His indoctrination within a closed society left him with a single set of behavioral mannerisms and social queues. Simply, he was unable to adapt to the way we talked, acted… the way we just were. So, even though we welcomed Josh, his (shell) prevented him from transgressing into a newfound world.

Plato’s Parable of the Cave gives an all-too-clear example of how this system insulates itself. In Plato’s Cave, the man who sees the truth is the minority. Attempts to explain this to the ignorant majority are seen as a threat to their private utopia. The visionary is then put to death, in order to preserve the established view (in statu quo res erant ante bellum).

Image source: Plato's Allegory of the Cave


There are no solid truths. Anything and everything we know is fluid; can be melted and molded based upon the crucible in which it’s placed. The “new mentality” accepts and affirms the possibility of multiple truths co-existing. Individuals indoctrinated in only one truth are at a loss, which causes further withdrawal and disconnect, which causes the illusion of persecution, which is responsible for so many bloody culture wars.

Do expensive wines really taste better?

Ever wonder how marketing gets people to buy cheap pieces of shit for outrageous amounts? (iPhone ring a bell?)

I'm sure that by now most of you have heard of the recent study, which looked at the relationship between wine prices and preference. The conclusion: Wines with a higher price tag taste better.

If you've watched Gary Vaynerchuk's Wine Library TV then you know it's not always the case.

So where does it all go wrong? Is it:

A. Unconscious - A veritable placebo effect really causes expensive wines to taste better.
OR
B. Conscious - We know the wine is crap, but don't want to seem oafish in front of our peers so we fulfill the social expectation at hand.

I would assume that in a lab setting, scenario B is less likely. However, not many details are given: Were the respondents all strangers to each other? Were the responses written or verbal? Was the study done on a group or individual basis? Anonymous participants? Etc.

Further research is needed to distinguish between both possible causes. It's cool that the study focused on novice winos, who are the primary consumer, and not wine enthusiasts. The results are certainly interesting and provide food for thought, even though they are not very valid.

Spitzer and Clinton: What about the wives?

My biggest problem with all the media coverage around these and similar events is that they completely ignore the needs and feelings of the wives. When I turned on the news after the recent Spitzer prostitution scandal, all these pundits (many of them female) were asking “How can she stand by him after that?” During the Clinton scandal, the same was said of Hillary.

Do these people ever stop to consider that maybe they’re obligated to stand by their fallen men?? That maybe they don’t want to stand up there in front of the world and let their stoic expressions say “I forgive him.”

Image source: http://www.nationalpost.com

Look at Spitzer's wife in the photo. Do you see forgiveness in her eyes? I sure as hell don't.

Hillary stood by in much the same way, only after 10 years did she finally reveal her pain.

Regardless of what the women actually want to do, what they're made to do creates a much bigger problem.

Please correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t this send out a terrible message to the female audience? To see these women, so privileged and powerful, standing next to their cheater husbands and not shedding a tear or a hostile expression; nothing but a look of solemn disconnect.

I don’t think that women should be subjugated. Making women believe that they need to stand by their men, regardless of whether those men are good to them, is pure subjugation.

Sex Positive - It works!

Lately I’ve been reading up on the whole Sex Positive movement. For those of you who are not familiar, Sex Positive is an open and progressive ideology about sex education and practice, which aims to cure ignorance and promote comfort with one’s own body and sexual identity (among other things).

Consider the following vignettes:

A. Two people have their fun as young individuals, and later on meet and settle down because they feel ready and compatible.

B. Two people refrain from engaging in sex while they are young individuals due to social/family/peer stigmas. They settle down with their first love and start raising a family.

Remembering back to my middle school sex-ed class really puts things in perspective. Back then the program basically tried to scare you shitless. They talked all about disease and how terrible the effects are… and pregnancy. Did you see that fuckin’ video?!? - “The Miracle of Life,” or something to that effect. Sure I can appreciate it now as an adult, but as a group of 12 year-old kids it made us sick. And, I can tell you from the look on the girls’ faces… sex suddenly stopped being interesting.

So, what’s the problem with that?

Well… the assumption is that by holding off sex until you settle down with someone you love promotes monogamy and makes it more likely the marriage will work.

Bullshit!

Whether in the quarter-life or mid-life, most of us go through an “exploration” phase. So looking back to the above vignettes - what do you think makes it more likely a relationship sticks?

I think the answer is obvious. Whereas the first couple will be more prepared to deal with temptation from media and other people, the second couple may succumb to it. As the second couple gets older they can break free from the restraints of their community, which were so tight while they were young. Seeing and hearing about others indulging in the life they had shunned can cause a great deal of complex issues.

We have all seen the devastating turn that a mid-life crisis can take… ruining families in its wake. This is why Sex Positive is such a great thing… because when you’re married and have kids - it’s just too late to begin learning about sex.

Note: I’m sure people will say “It’s never too late to begin learning about sex!” Granted, technically it never is too late. But ethically, if it means ignoring obligations and commitments to your partner and/or children, then yes it’s too late (or should be).

The GAP disses Warhol

I'm a big fan of both the man and the movement. So, when I went to check out the latest fashion at my local GAP branch - 'twas not the clothes that caught me eye.

Image source: GAP storefront in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn.

In the window are two famous Andy Warhol works: a self portrait and Judith Green (1964). The lighting and attributions in the bottom left corners of each window certainly create a museum like display. However (and this is what really gets me heated), they have their clothes covering it up!

I almost cannot be mad at The GAP, for they are a capitalistic enterprise and have their own agenda. But what of the Andy Warhol Foundation? Surely they would know better than to spit in the face of a dead man?

What made Andy Warhol remarkable was his uncanny ability to re-appropriate images into a new light. He made a career of taking images from media and advertising that we had become desensitized to, and forcing the them back into our conscious perception.

The Andy Warhol Foundation, who licenses his work and image for distribution, effectively reversed him and his work; have made him a commodity; have made his image insignificant in light of the colorful new clothes.

The Gap is not the first or the last example of this, but... it's still fucked up!

Let them have a piece of your mind!

Door to nowhere

Miscalculation? Prank of the year? Whatever the reason, this one definitely puts a new spin on the old phrase "Can't get my foot in the door."

Image Source: Residence in Borough Park, Brooklyn

There's no other door, so unless it's inhabited by a bunch of Free-Runners...

Image source: http://media.www.lsureveille.com/media/storage/paper868/news/2007/03/15/Sports/Free-Falling-2776713.shtml

... I can't imagine what the purpose could be. I can only hope that there are no alcoholics or sleep-walkers living there.

Matisse's "Lilacs" - Chaos, Sex and Nazis

So this one really caught my eye. I've been a fan of Henri Matisse for a long time, but it was my first encounter with this particular piece, "Lilacs" (1914). The interesting twist that separates this one from your typical still-life is that the artist has left small patches of the canvas seemingly blank.

Henri Matisse (1869-1954) - Lilacs (1914) Image source: Metropolitan Museum of Art

Now, Matisse was no lazy painter. And as I stand interlocked with the brush strokes, I realize that there was never a need to "complete" the painting. Matisse gives you just enough wiggle room to be a part of the work; to fill in the blank with your own mind. At the same time, he gives you just enough of a foundation that you cannot alter the actual object beyond the artist's own will. The areas in the flowers, the pipe and the figurine... all can be scrutinized and end up being culturally "colored" differently, but the fact remains that these will stay flowers, a pipe and a figurine. I have to say, a little existentialism always brightens my day!

I also noticed that Matisse provides the viewer with a scapegoat, in the form of the seated figure. The use of chaotic line and color variation creates an element of confusion and anxiety. In addition, there is dual directionality. This is caused first by the change of shade as it swoops in from the upper left, along the left side, and pointed by the pipe towards the bottom right. At the same time the broad expanse of flowers in the upper left condenses as your eye moves diagonally to the bottom right, culminating in a point (stem). This directs all of the chaos towards the figure, which is seated in a fashion symbolic of hopelessness and depression (and often used as such by his greatest rival, Picasso). The spear points in its back, inviting you to bestow your rage on whoever your mind paints into this space.

Pablo Picasso (1881-1973) - The Blue Nude (1902) Image source: Reproduction print in my bedroom

Interesting that Matisse chose to use this painting for the 1937 exhibition in Berlin, which was jointly organized by the Nazis and French and excluded all foreign born and/or Jewish artists. Maybe he saw it coming, even back in 1914.

People say that you don't truly know something until you've experienced it. And as I look back one last time the Lilacs are like a parting gift, saying... "Thanks for the sex."