Pro Patria -

- For one's country.

The more I pay attention to political battles ensuing in the media, the more I'm convinced people have "patriotism" all wrong. Recently I read this article, which suggests two main points for why Obama is unpatriotic: He doesn't wear a US flag pin and he knows a guy that used to be in the Weather Underground.

Really?

If that's all the dirt they can come up with then I'd have to say the guy is a saint.

The flag pin: Obama is a multi-cultural man, and I personally commend him for being such. By representing one country's flag, he is shunning another. Wearing both flags would set off a media firestorm, so the only option is not to wear any. That only shows that the man is a genuine patriot who will not sell out one part of his identity to gain favors with another.

The W.U. dude: I guess the obvious assumption made here is that the Weather Underground was unpatriotic. Granted, their methods were over-the-top. The philosophy, however, was very much aimed at improving this country. They aimed to further the goals of equality and peace in this country, a struggle very much in effect today. Even their bombings were somewhat benevolent; aimed at symbols of the government (a la "V for Vendetta") rather than people. They often placed warning calls before a bombing, causing all employees of target buildings to be evacuated. In contrast, religious fanatics in this country don't think twice about bombing abortion clinics full of living, breathing, human beings.

Now, I have to ask... are these media figures and pundits just playing the fool?

Many of them grew up during the civil wars of the 1960's and 70's; were themselves a part of the counter-culture. Can it really be that they've forgotten? No. I think it's much more likely that they've committed to an ideology, thus forcing themselves to use deceptive devices (i.e. convenient omission, reaction/emotional exaggeration, flat out bullshit, etc).

When you play the fool you do two things: sell yourself out and sell yourself short. It seems like Barrack Obama refuses to sell out his values, and is under fire as a result. It's sad to see genuineness viewed as a shortcoming. Hilary has been faking and fooling her way through almost every media appearance since she was first set back-paddling. And despite the fact that Obama is more genuine, it seems like he has less of a chance to beat McCain.

Who's the man - Bad boy or Smart toy?

In a recent post, Funkybrownchick mentioned that nice guys get less ass than cocky guys. I though about this for a moment and completely disagreed.

The only factor behind this I can think of is shyness vs. sociability. Nice guys may be less likely to approach a girl, thus diminishing potential encounters. For this post, let’s ignore this little paradigm. ;)

The way I see it, you need to have at least one of the two: personality or looks. A guy that’s good looking will get plenty of ass, cocky or nice doesn’t matter so much as long as they are sociable.

But, what about a guy that’s not at all attractive?

No looks + bad personality = recipe for loneliness

A nice guy, on the other hand, may not have looks. They may not be getting ass in the casual sense, but at least their personality can attract a deep and meaningful relationship.

This is also related to age and maturity. I see that younger girls sometimes like the bad boys. Again, their attraction is fleeting like the flavor of the month and does not lead to anything lasting. As they mature, many women move away from that “just for fun” mentality and start to think about serious relationships. Ultimately, it’s the nice guys that wind up with the prize.

That being said, some of you may be thinking… “So, the cocky guy gets first dibs?”

That’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s all a matter of preference. Personally, I don’t want a girl to just lay there. Girls with experience are simply better. That’s the exact reason I’m typically attracted to girls my age and older, rather than younger. (And would never consider dating a virgin, no matter how hot/interesting she may be. If anything she would be just a friend, without benefits.)

Cocky guys attract party girls, while nice guys attract smart girls. So even if it’s true that nice guys get less ass… I still say QUALITY OVER QUANTITY!

Would love to hear the women’s opinions on this one! =)

I’m a shy guy, when it comes to unacquainted girls. Every girl I’ve ever hooked-up or gone out with was introduced by mutual friends or actually came up to me and said something first (like my current girlfriend). I know that I could have had waaay more women if only I partook in the hunt. If I see a girl checking me out, I don’t follow up (even if I’m single). Maybe a glance or two back and forth and then right back to my book or notepad or whatever I’m doing. Guess I’m just not a pick-up artist.

I have no regrets though. Casual sex is not an attractive prospect; fucking for the sake of physical release is an empty shell of the actual act. I am very happy with the type of girls my nice-guy personality has reeled in, especially the one I’m with now.

On a related note: Nice guys actually do finish first!

Etiquette... or a lack thereof

What the hell happened to being kind for the sake of being kind?

I'm in the post office the other day. A middle aged man (white, around his 50's) is leaving the lobby. Behind him is a woman (also white, looked about 40-ish). He sees her behind him, holds the door and gives her a pleasant smile. Nothing wrong with that, right?

Well, literally 2 steps behind this lady was another woman (Asian, looked to be in her 50's) carrying a big box with both hands.

The guy sees her right behind the first woman, LOOKS HER STRAIGHT IN THE FACE and lets the door go, hitting and knocking her down. If not for the box, that heavy metal and glass door would have hit her dead-on in the face. I blurted out "Muthafucker!" and was pleasantly surprised that other people standing on the line had the same notion.

So this asshole held the door for the nice, attractive white woman who didn't need help. The little Asian lady, that DID need someone to hold the door, was not his problem.

So, what's up with etiquette?


Another example: While on the train this past weekend, I decided to do a little naturalistic observation. Finally, an old lady came on the train (black, with a cane, looked about 60's-70's) and it was pretty crowded. She stood by one of the poles in the center, next to a bench with several college-age boys and a girl.

Care to guess what happened?

The 4 young-guns, who were so animated in their mutual conversation only a minute ago, suddenly went to sleep! That's right. Closed their eyes or put in headphones, and kept looking down into their own little world. The guilt was apparent, but not the means to resolve it.
Had I been sitting I'd give it up right away, but I wasn't, so this just made me even madder. I had a mind to grab on of these shit-heads and... well, unfortunately that's not me. Besides, I can't even count how many times my own naive little ass had done the same fucked up thing.

But...

Here's the kicker. About 15 minutes later, after that lady had been given another seat (and by someone around the same age as her!) a super attractive girl walks on, still no open seats. One of the sleepers must have dreamt about her, cuz he made like morning wood and popped right up. All smiling and motioning for her to take a seat. She took his offer, with a half smile like she's used to this; a haphazard show of gratitude, not because it's felt but rather because it's socially appropriate.

Is etiquette the new pick-up line??


Well, so far I only know of one place that people make a very strong point of sticking to the rules...


'Till next time! And when that time comes, I'll try not to sound pissed =)

In the meantime, check out the humorous, yet appropriate etiquette handbook from NY Magazine.

Interracial couples and those who stare at them

Peek-a-boo, I see you...

This is a notion I've gotten pretty used to in 4 years of being in an interracial relationship. For whatever reasons, people look and stare. My girlfriend used to always react by muttering things like "What the hell are they staring at?!?" or "What? They've never seen a..." accompanied with a dirty look in the viewer's direction.
But...
Is it right to automatically assume that they are looking upon us with negative judgment? I think not!
Granted, some people will look at you with a sense of disapproval or even disgust. However, some people may be genuinely curious; as in the case of those who recently broke out of a uni-racial country or community. Also, you have people like me who are in the same exact place you are. I may look, but only to think "Oh cool, another..." as opposed to "Oh god! Not another..."
When I am put in the viewer's position it's pretty clear that there is a generalized reaction to "staring". But, what constitutes staring? In my experience, even a moment of eye-contact is enough to elicit a negative reaction.
Seems like glances that would be deemed normal and insignificant when you are alone suddenly become offensive when your mismatched mate is alongside you. In reality, there is no difference.
We instinctively pass over the mundane and focus our attention on things that stick out. And in most environments, an interracial couple tends to stick out.
So if you're in this situation now or will be in the future, please remember that not all looks are meant to kill...



...But I'm still getting this t-shirt. =)

For whom the bell doesn't toll

People exist, or don't. It's up to you to notice them.

The world of intellectualism has it's ugly side too. Whenever you put yourself on a level apart from others, you adopt the elitist mentality. "Insignificant" things and beings suddenly drop off your radar.

There is no worse crime than for a great poet to be a laborer; a great philosopher to be a soldier.

Take this girl on the train, a solemn manifesto inscribed in flesh. She may not be attractive, she may not be "dressed to kill", she may not be saying anything. No bag, no book, no music player, nothing. A fixed gaze and a horrific scar where her larynx once was.

But, who's to say that her silent vision of the world will not invert your own reality, shatter the mold whence you came, make it impossible to return.

There is no worse crime than to silence the already voiceless.

Image: Original photograph with Solari effect