Delaying gratification, role reversal and frigidity

I just wanted to take a moment to thank you guys for the support. I know my posting has been lax lately, but there’s a lot going on these past couple weeks. Should be back to full strength soon! =)

Despite how it sounds, delaying the orgasm leads to a better and more fulfilling climax. There is a certain sense of maturity required, in terms of experience and a mind state of not just wanting to “get your rocks off.” To delay gratification is both a selfish and a generous act; you must be willing to give and receive, not just one. Also, if you’re a man and find it difficult to outlast your woman, then this is for you.

Image: Roy Lichtenstein "In the Car" 1963

Techniques:

Breathing - Slow, deep breaths will bring down your heart rate and relax the nervous system, effectively counteracting sexual stimulation. Some people experience a sensation of fainting after sex. This is mainly due to improper breathing (too fast, too heavy). Personally, I find that fast paced pumping doesn’t feel nearly as good as deliberate, “grinding” strokes. Of course, these can make you climax even faster… so read on.

Posture – Looking at the “epicenter” of the action is usually very arousing. Try doing a position where you cannot see, but can only feel. Something where you’re more face to face, neck or back than at a distance. Use that closeness to stimulate some of the more subtle erogenous zones, i.e. the ear, temple, outer corners of the eyes, side and back of neck, lips. In addition, when you’re not seeing it directly it’s easier to drift off (Not very passionate to drift off during sex. But if you really feel like it’s the only way to keep going long enough – it works).

Stroke – When you’re in, it’s all about depth and angle. Straight in is the best way to keep from being over-stimulated, but chances are it’s not doing much for your girl. So, if you can’t use the angle, use the depth. Rather than a full stroke do a shallower one, where the head stays in and the shaft is taking most of the contact. This will do enough to keep you in the zone, but not enough to make you climax fast when combined with some of the aforementioned points.

When you get the hang of it, you will have excellent control over when you do or don’t orgasm.

By getting close and then staying there, waiting patiently, you will get more overall pleasure out of sex. Not to mention the grateful and pleased woman next to you. Guys sometimes complain that girls have such a long orgasm. Well, here’s the equalizer.

Image: The Seahorse is a master of role reversal. The female transfers her egg sac, and the male carries out the remainder of the pregnancy and birthing process.

Another interesting milestone in any relationship is the role reversal. Typically (and this is by no means the rule!) one person is going towards a goal and another is kind of laying back for the ride. In heterosexual couples, let’s say the man is “driver” (to borrow the stereotypical gender perspective).

One particularly potent expression of this reversal is the lingam massage. Now, this is a mix of sugar and spice; with incredible pleasure comes some intrusion of personal boundaries.

An excellent guide to the lingam massage can be found at the White Lotus. This is an excellent database of sexual techniques to explore by oneself or with a partner(s).

Another important aspect of being a great lover is the understanding of where your girl’s g-spots are. Women have a different ratio of clitoral vs. vaginal sensitivity which directly relates to what acts in what modalities will cause them to orgasm. Even if the girl is not aware, you have to make it your business to experiment and figure it out. The number of women who believe there is a psychological reason for their not orgasming is greatly exaggerated. I’ve said this in previous posts, for some that’s true and for many it’s just improper handling.

The White Lotus also has a great resource on frigidity that men and women may find useful.