Peek-a-boo, I see you...
This is a notion I've gotten pretty used to in 4 years of being in an interracial relationship. For whatever reasons, people look and stare. My girlfriend used to always react by muttering things like "What the hell are they staring at?!?" or "What? They've never seen a..." accompanied with a dirty look in the viewer's direction.
But...
Is it right to automatically assume that they are looking upon us with negative judgment? I think not!
Granted, some people will look at you with a sense of disapproval or even disgust. However, some people may be genuinely curious; as in the case of those who recently broke out of a uni-racial country or community. Also, you have people like me who are in the same exact place you are. I may look, but only to think "Oh cool, another..." as opposed to "Oh god! Not another..."
When I am put in the viewer's position it's pretty clear that there is a generalized reaction to "staring". But, what constitutes staring? In my experience, even a moment of eye-contact is enough to elicit a negative reaction.
Seems like glances that would be deemed normal and insignificant when you are alone suddenly become offensive when your mismatched mate is alongside you. In reality, there is no difference.
We instinctively pass over the mundane and focus our attention on things that stick out. And in most environments, an interracial couple tends to stick out.
So if you're in this situation now or will be in the future, please remember that not all looks are meant to kill...
...But I'm still getting this t-shirt. =)
Monday, March 31, 2008
Interracial couples and those who stare at them
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14 comments:
I have to admit, I stare... I stare at all couples, though, trying to see what they see in each other, whet they look like having sex, and what their babies might look like.
It's a sickness... my mind just goes there and I can't stop...
Yea, but that's exactly my point. You're not trying to be malicious in your thoughts, it's just genuine curiosity =)
I guess when one gets to the place where one doesn't even notice being stared at, this will cease to be an issue. In a way, the ones that are affected are ones that have a defensive posture about doing what they are doing. Does that make sense?
Yea it does. I see your point, it's like projection. It's funny for people to be offended by what they themselves also do, but so many people are just like that.
I blame it on a lack of insight and introspection.
After 4 years of it, I've pretty much stopped noticing, though my g/f hasn't.
I just find it funny when I look over at an interracial couple and they look back at me with this total "shit face" like I'm trying to light them on fire with my gaze.
Little do they know, I actually find it refreshing.
oh wow thats so cool:-) I stare at interracial couples. Well Black women/white guy ones lol. Most of the time its followed by " I heard that" in my mind lol. We all are just people.
Yep, we sure are =)
It's nothing to be ashamed of or get angry about, but everyday, people do.
People like that should wear blinders. I have no time to deal with judgmental people....I guess that comes with age....it is so rare to find love and it comes in all shapes, colors and sizes....love and chemistry cant be defined....just felt.
And BTW, I see you are a pussy man....love the kitty in the picture, not to mention your instruction manual on pleasuring women.
I'm rubbish at noticing random strangers unless they do something directly to annoy me (like cut in front of me in a queue or elbow me whilst walking past). So I couldn't care less about couples that mind their own business and leave me in peace, and that includes the inter-racial ones too! :)
Good post. I have almost ALWAYS been in interracial relationships and am kind of used to "getting the looks" - for some reason some bother me way more than others. What's odd is that I tend to look at other interracial relationships, especially ones that are similar to mine. I dunno if I'm comparing/contrasting, or just curious.
Sometimes the other couple will do "the nod" which is really more like a look - but sorta feels like what happens when I'm riding my moto and I pass another rider and we give the little salute. Like it's a club or something.
There are lots of intricacies involved in the looking, both on the giving and receiving end. I may not understand them all, but observing is always interesting, no?
Cougar - haha almost missed the double entante about the pussy there.
It's cool that you see exactly where I'm coming from. When love is so hard to find, you really can't be too picky about the little details.
And yea, I try to give tips where I can. Next up I'm gonna try for a video piece on massaging. ;)
Darwin - You are a true multi-cultural person. It's one thing not being judgmental, hat is a conscious decision. Not noticing means that it genuinely doesn't matter to you, and I find that refreshing!
Rosie - Absolutely! Very interesting to observe. And thanks for sharing your personal experience with such situations.
I like what you said about the intricacies of observing, like an unspoken language between complete strangers, but it works. Fascinating.
Maybe they stare because the two of you are mega-hotties.
Baba - Hmm, that would be cool. We've been told we look like a soap opera couple... not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I am like 1/3 in that I stare at black women with white men with an internal high five to them. I've dated outside of my race and recieved the stares (mostly if I'm with an asian guy or white guy) but I agree with a comment made earlier and agree it really is about coming to a point where you stop noticing others and focus on the one you're with. For me its easier said than done...
Cat - I think my g/f would absolutely agree with you there. Maybe it's easy for me not to notice because I'm just naturally oblivious. =)
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