What the hell happened to being kind for the sake of being kind?
I'm in the post office the other day. A middle aged man (white, around his 50's) is leaving the lobby. Behind him is a woman (also white, looked about 40-ish). He sees her behind him, holds the door and gives her a pleasant smile. Nothing wrong with that, right?
Well, literally 2 steps behind this lady was another woman (Asian, looked to be in her 50's) carrying a big box with both hands.
The guy sees her right behind the first woman, LOOKS HER STRAIGHT IN THE FACE and lets the door go, hitting and knocking her down. If not for the box, that heavy metal and glass door would have hit her dead-on in the face. I blurted out "Muthafucker!" and was pleasantly surprised that other people standing on the line had the same notion.
So this asshole held the door for the nice, attractive white woman who didn't need help. The little Asian lady, that DID need someone to hold the door, was not his problem.
So, what's up with etiquette?
Another example: While on the train this past weekend, I decided to do a little naturalistic observation. Finally, an old lady came on the train (black, with a cane, looked about 60's-70's) and it was pretty crowded. She stood by one of the poles in the center, next to a bench with several college-age boys and a girl.
Care to guess what happened?
The 4 young-guns, who were so animated in their mutual conversation only a minute ago, suddenly went to sleep! That's right. Closed their eyes or put in headphones, and kept looking down into their own little world. The guilt was apparent, but not the means to resolve it.
Had I been sitting I'd give it up right away, but I wasn't, so this just made me even madder. I had a mind to grab on of these shit-heads and... well, unfortunately that's not me. Besides, I can't even count how many times my own naive little ass had done the same fucked up thing.
But...
Here's the kicker. About 15 minutes later, after that lady had been given another seat (and by someone around the same age as her!) a super attractive girl walks on, still no open seats. One of the sleepers must have dreamt about her, cuz he made like morning wood and popped right up. All smiling and motioning for her to take a seat. She took his offer, with a half smile like she's used to this; a haphazard show of gratitude, not because it's felt but rather because it's socially appropriate.
Is etiquette the new pick-up line??
Well, so far I only know of one place that people make a very strong point of sticking to the rules...
'Till next time! And when that time comes, I'll try not to sound pissed =)
In the meantime, check out the humorous, yet appropriate etiquette handbook from NY Magazine.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Etiquette... or a lack thereof
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8 comments:
The post office dude sounds like he has something against Asians... maybe a Vietnam vet? lol
The kids...are stupid kids who think it's cool to be a$$holes. sad but true.
That said, someone has to be damn near DYING to get my seat on the train, shiiiiiit! I have a bad back and my knees hurt, and don't even get me started on my sciatica...
:P
Considering the fact that I live in Glasgow, a city notorious for being 'rough', I'm no longer surprised by the lack of etiquette displayed by kids these days, I consider myself fortunate not to get stabbed whilst out!
I'm a door opener--- it's always funny to me how surprised folk are when you hold the door for them. Even if I don't get a thank you, I'll still do my little part to keep my world a bit nicer.
I'm sorry those in your stories don't see that such simple gestures are about all we have to give to show kindness. And, even better- it's free. So why not? Why not go through the bother? I don't know--- maybe I just like to be bothered?
Another great story Pan- thank you- keep writing.
Jaded - you definitely would be excused of the responsibility =) Dumb kids should give you their seat, if anything.
Darwin - Really, Glasgow is that bad? I guess over hear you fall upon the presumption that England is more cultured and safer. Watch your back now =)
Thanks anonymous.
Funny thing, on the flip-side you sometimes get people who see you holding the door and take their sweet time getting there. Now that is a bother. =)
Wow the guy holding the door open for the white lady but not the asian lady seems a lil prejudice. he porbably does it so much that he didnt even notice he did it.
LOL I'm not going to lie when I was younger I hated giving up my seat so I made sure never to sit up front. respect for our elders is dwindling I see..
The guy who let go of the door sounds like a total douche! I can'y believe how prejudiced some people are. For him to blatantly let go of the door in her face? UGH! Angers me just reading that. Cuz i've seen shit like this happen all the time.
As far as the little boys on the train...five bucks says at least one of them is a future wife beater....sad but true.
I seem to think many people don't know how to be nice without just to be nice. I remember being on crutches in college with a cast and having the door opened for me only about 50% of the time. Being one of about 5% of the black community on that campus I couldn't help but wonder whether racism was a factor...
1/3 - We've all done it or still do it. It's just natural, and I give props to people that are even aware of the behavior in the first place.
Natalee - I love calling people douches! And yea, sad but very true. =(
Cat - I would agree that race was a major factor. I've been in 3 different colleges, which were pretty well mixed racially. I can say that people went out of their way to hold doors for anyone that was disabled. Regardless of gender, image, etc. It was very refreshing to see, and I am sorry you had the flip-side of that experience.
I would have held the door for ya =)
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